When you’ve grown up watching comedy like,’ I love Lucy’,’ Home Improvement’,’ Friends’ etc, you come to believe that there is never a right answer to when a girl asks you,” Do I look fat?”. If you say no immediately, you're accused of not paying attention. If you say yes immediately, it means you're rude and dont care. the worst obviously is when you grapple for words and go, "Ummm....welll...uh...you seeeee.....hmmmm!"
A very good friend of mine, (not mentioning the name for my safety) asked me the same question. Now, I believe that I can be frank ( Sinatra/Lampard/Zappa) with this friend when it comes to most things. But then I think somewhere in that minuscule little twisted mind of mine, I forgot about the rule.
So she goes: do I look fat in that?
Me: yes...a little chubby types...
not fat as such
but yeah....
Now somewhere, my brain has to start ringing alarm bells, but no! It decides to keep on talking! ( Normally, I do listen to the strange voices in my head that make me do the absurd things I do.) So I decide I needed to try out a new yoga pose. It involves putting one foot in your mouth while kicking yourself (in the crotch) with the other.
Me: you have been eating well!!!
She: yea? i actually lost weight from then to now
And then, the familiar sound of panic in my head. A little late to be going,”Oops!!!” I suddenly got into SOS mode and apologized immediately for being so blunt. Now, my friend being one of the nicest around (I mean it..am not just saying it) was all,” I asked you and you told the truth. I wanted the truth!”
Ever since I made that boo-boo, I have been profusely apologizing . I have the image of me being damned to hell all day and night. I imagine, a nice big grinding wheel with millions of cursed souls like mine chained to it, and pushing it while the guardians of hell watch over, whipping us every time we slack off. And since you’re already dead, this is for eternity. Engulfed in the fires of hell for all eternity. All the guards look like Hellboy, with whips in their hands wielding it like Indiana Jones. And another friend I spoke too also agrees that I am damned to hell. So there goes; have been humming the John Mayer tune, ‘My Stupid Mouth’ all morning.
To Whom It May Concern: I beg for forgiveness, I was being completely honest at a time when I should not have been. At least, I should have put it across in a better manner. Will promise never to call a woman fat, even if it is my own mother.
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~~~Still thinking~~~